My job has sent me to the loony bin. Yes, I am blaming all my problems on this place. This place and its hospital-like lighting. This place and its moody ass employees (me included). This place and its overall nonsense that I could care less about. This place and its constant white noise that pumps into the office. This place and its white walls, white trim, and ugly stained "office" carpet. My luck my boss is reading this. DENY DENY DENY will be my best course of action if questioned about this!
Sometimes I fantasize about being kidnapped. That way I wont have to come to work. And no one can be mad at me or blame me for not showing up since I've been abducted!! Only the kidnapper won't hurt me of course. They will be nice to me....provide luxury shelter, gourmet meals, maybe even a spa treatment here and there. So if there are any all inclusive 5 star spa resorts out there that also cater to abducting desperate workers, please respond to this posting! We can arrange to set up a meeting place for the kidnapping to happen ASAP!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
The sweet taste of sin
Growing up, I always wondered why adults drank so much. I never really got what adults found so great about drinking. All I knew is that they always looked as if they had more fun with a drink than without one.
Alcohol smelled awful as a kid. I just couldn't have imagine at the time wanting to consume something that smelled so toxic.
In high school drinking was just something "safe" to experiment with. It was like having one cigarette. You just do it so you can say you tried it and determine for yourself if its something you want to take part in. Cigarettes never caught on for me. And in high school, drinking wasn't much of an interest either. I could handle beer and the occasional wine cooler. But never anything more than that. Then I moved on to college, and like most college students, I drank whatever was cheap and available at the time. It didn't matter so much about how it tasted, just so long as I was tipsy....all was great in the world of being an undergrad.
Now that I'm an adult, I finally get why adults drink so much. For the most part, life sucks! Being 20 something (late 20 something) isn't at all that I thought it'd be. Working the 9-5 (which is really more like a 8-7) grind SUCKS. Drinking has become my only outlet. I mean, what else is going to erase the awful memories of working some job I hate?! And I have a pretty damn good job too. Its not really my job I hate, but the fact that I work to contribute to someone elses dream. Someone elses vision. Not my own. Alcohol does a pretty good job of masking my misery if u ask me. And I'm not talking about the beer and wine coolers I drank in high school. And definitely not the cheap stuff I drank in college. I'm talking the hard stuff, but quality hard stuff, since of course now cost isn't much of an issue. Good quality tequila, vodka, whisky, etc.
Since when did this stuff go from being toxic in my mind, to being the thing that puts a smile on my face? I drink wine like its water; vodka and tequila like its a daily liquid vitamin.
This is what gets me from day to day. Without alcohol, I mean my "water" and "liquid vitamins," I would have jumped off a building or stepped in front of a moving train a long time ago. What has my life come to? Booze to cover up thoughts of offing myself? I don't know how people live like this. I don't know how I live like this. Not for much longer I won't. Change is on its way. I have no choice. Its either change, or off the tipy top of the building i will go....
Alcohol smelled awful as a kid. I just couldn't have imagine at the time wanting to consume something that smelled so toxic.
In high school drinking was just something "safe" to experiment with. It was like having one cigarette. You just do it so you can say you tried it and determine for yourself if its something you want to take part in. Cigarettes never caught on for me. And in high school, drinking wasn't much of an interest either. I could handle beer and the occasional wine cooler. But never anything more than that. Then I moved on to college, and like most college students, I drank whatever was cheap and available at the time. It didn't matter so much about how it tasted, just so long as I was tipsy....all was great in the world of being an undergrad.
Now that I'm an adult, I finally get why adults drink so much. For the most part, life sucks! Being 20 something (late 20 something) isn't at all that I thought it'd be. Working the 9-5 (which is really more like a 8-7) grind SUCKS. Drinking has become my only outlet. I mean, what else is going to erase the awful memories of working some job I hate?! And I have a pretty damn good job too. Its not really my job I hate, but the fact that I work to contribute to someone elses dream. Someone elses vision. Not my own. Alcohol does a pretty good job of masking my misery if u ask me. And I'm not talking about the beer and wine coolers I drank in high school. And definitely not the cheap stuff I drank in college. I'm talking the hard stuff, but quality hard stuff, since of course now cost isn't much of an issue. Good quality tequila, vodka, whisky, etc.
Since when did this stuff go from being toxic in my mind, to being the thing that puts a smile on my face? I drink wine like its water; vodka and tequila like its a daily liquid vitamin.
This is what gets me from day to day. Without alcohol, I mean my "water" and "liquid vitamins," I would have jumped off a building or stepped in front of a moving train a long time ago. What has my life come to? Booze to cover up thoughts of offing myself? I don't know how people live like this. I don't know how I live like this. Not for much longer I won't. Change is on its way. I have no choice. Its either change, or off the tipy top of the building i will go....
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Lacey!
I love my dog. And she loves me. Even when I'm having a bad day. Even when I yell at her for peeing on my foot. She still comes over and licks my hand and wags her tail. Why can't people show the same type of love and excitement each time they see you? That would be like asking to be able to apparate. Simply an impossibility!
So here's a picture of my dog. The best dog to ever walk her little doggie paws on this earth.
It was a toss up between posting about my dog and posting about skydiving without a parachute....
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
adults can run away too, can't we?
I live my life day by day wishing I could just run away. Wishing I didn't have the everyday responsibilities of life that keep me showing up my job, coming home to run errands, and doing the general robotic moves that get me from day to day. I long for the day when I can turn the robot switch off and start living my life the way I want. When I stop caring about what I "should" be doing and start doing what I "want" to be doing. I long for the day when I stop living my life based on what I've been raised and groomed to do and start living the way I dream it to be. I want to run away, leave this life behind, and start a new one. I want to choose my future, and by future I mean now, the way I choose whether to wear my hair up or down. Forget simply turning the robot switch off. I want to break it to an unrepairable state.
Monday, March 24, 2008
sabra, in cactus form
Someone once told me that people as a whole are unreliable, and with time, will always let you down. Until recently, I never believed that to be true. I always thought, geeze, what a pessimists that person was. But recently, I have come to learn that people are unreliable, and with time, each and very person will eventually let me down in some way. I'd like to believe that I will continue to open my heart to others, but with my new found awareness, I’m not so sure it’s wise.
Whether it be a family member that doesn’t live up to the expected role they should hold in your life, or the friend who betrays you, or the loved one who leaves you…it’s all the same. Somehow, every single person whom I’ve ever put my trust, dedication, hope, and love into has left me standing alone, at some point in time, left to wonder "what the heck just happened, please let this all be just a dream.” Only it has never been a dream.
Are people only meant to be in our lives temporarily? For a specific purpose? Or life lesson? Is there anyone out there who will ever see beyond my tough prickly exterior and see the beautiful flower that is within me? The soft and caring center that loves unconditionally and wants nothing more than the same in return.
Whether it be a family member that doesn’t live up to the expected role they should hold in your life, or the friend who betrays you, or the loved one who leaves you…it’s all the same. Somehow, every single person whom I’ve ever put my trust, dedication, hope, and love into has left me standing alone, at some point in time, left to wonder "what the heck just happened, please let this all be just a dream.” Only it has never been a dream.
Are people only meant to be in our lives temporarily? For a specific purpose? Or life lesson? Is there anyone out there who will ever see beyond my tough prickly exterior and see the beautiful flower that is within me? The soft and caring center that loves unconditionally and wants nothing more than the same in return.
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